WELL, here I am again

I’m not sure how I ended up here.

This unlit, desolate cavern of confinement. Gripping a bucket o’ lies in one hand and clenching the trowel of power the other. Working at a frantic pace to control the cracks and crevices of life that keep sucking away my perceived fulfillment.

Panic sets in.

Scoop.

Plop.

I’m not fast enough.

Swipe.

Press.

I’m not strong enough

Smear.

Push.

I’m not good enough.

This.

Needs.

To.

Stop.

Leaning against the cold wall, the tools of disillusionment dropping from my death grip. Tired legs let go and I slide down the wall, hair tangled in the slop of my own reasoning. I’m drained.

Head bows.

Throat thirsts.

Tears flow.

Parched lips whisper a prayer to cease returning to this empty cistern of my own making.

6 thoughts on “WELL, here I am again

  1. I have missed your writing. Thank you for sharing the raw place of self reliance. The good news is the sweet lifter of your head, comforter of our souls and healer of our self inflicted wounds. Praying that depth of His gentle redemption envelope your weary heart and that peace and joy become your new grip ❤️ Love you dear friend

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  2. To me, this is not a Song of Joy and it made me sad.
    I haven’t seen you for a while so I’m not sure how things are going, but I hope they improve!
    Maybe I’m missing something……….
    Glad to see you writing though!

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    • Brenda, thank you for your sweet note. I assure you, I am well. These were just thoughts I’d been pondering this week about how I tend to have the same reaction over and over to different (uncontrollable) circumstances in my life.
      I endlessly try to give God futile suggestions on how I think it’s best for Him to handle things, instead of simply trusting Him…which is ultimately where my “song of joy” comes from. Silly me. Miss you lady! 😊

      Like

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