I wrote the guts of this blog post 3 years ago…today I did a bit of editing.

I felt pretty desperate.

Fearful.

There were no answers.

Panicked.

I was at the end of my rope.

Anxious.

I couldn’t make sense out of anything.

Helpless.

I didn’t trust the doctors.

Dread.

But what choice did I have?

Nausea.

That was FOUR years ago today.

Have you ever arrive somewhere and thought to yourself “How did I make it here”?

Today is that day for me.  If you had asked me FOUR years ago what I’d be doing today my answer certainly wouldn’t have been writing a blog post or experiencing / being any of the following:

JoyFULL

Tom (still) working FULL time.

PeaceFULL

EnJOYing vacations

PurposeFULL

FULLfilling dreams, (still) renovating a home.

GraceFULL

Becoming a board chairperson 😳

I’ve made it a practice on THIS day, December 16th, to take some time to sit and reflect.  To ponder how far the Lord has brought me over the last year.

To state the obvious one blog post is not a stellar year in the world of blogging. By no mistake that one post was about grace; it was the word I had chosen for 2017. Funny enough we weren’t too far into January before I felt my word flip flopping between grace and brave. Um, definitely did want the word brave as MY word for the year – it just sounded well, alarming, intimidating and slightly unnerving. Anyone who knows me knows I don’t choose any of the above! Grace was a much safer (did I just say that?). I mean the Lord would want me to me graceFULL, right? (Aaahhh, can you hear the angels singing)

*Dismay requires grace*

Then there’s the rules and the “rule” is ONE word for the year and grace was already picked…and written down in my journal! (Insert foot stomp)

*Detours require grace*

So what does any type-A personality do, I tried to make things fit (ok force things) into a nice neat box by making one word from the two. You know like breakfast + lunch = brunch. Simple, right? Well I’ve got news for you grace + brave = either “brace” or “grave”. Neither of which sounded at ALL like a worthy focus; bracing for what might happen or dying. Yeah no, thank you.

* Discouragement requires grace*

I entered 2017 with a deep desire to be more generous at extending grace in ALL circumstances but I found it’s the times I need to extend it to myself that seem to confound, paralyze and make me insert that foot stomp again. Anyone else? (please say yes)! Possible future blog topic there.

*I require grace – Lord hear my prayer*

Astonishingly I also found along my JOurneY that grace requires being brave. Imagine that. Extending grace is not popular. Expect resistance (internal and external) but choose to bravely bestow mercy and kindness on others (and yourself); just like Jesus did when he came down from heaven when we least deserved it.

*Jesus is grace*

It is good to remember and recall His faithfulness.  It braces joy, buoys grace and builds bravery. What do you see as you reflect back on your year, THIS day?