I was reminded this week about a time in my life I was feeling quiet disoriented; adrift in a murky sea of desperation and despair. Paddling my way through a stormy season of hardship; I was angry at God. I questioned whether He was blind to my frantic prayers. The ones being shot off like emergency flares from a sinking ship. There were days I wasn’t sure what to believe any more but I paddled on. As life continued taking on water faster than my bucket could bail, I made a new friend. My season was a sun shower compared to the tsunami her life had been. After chatting a while I learned she was hopeless, depressed and downright furious with God. She asked me gobs of questions about God, I mean GOBS, G.O.B.S! Everyday I’d receive an email with a question or two or three. They were bothersome questions. The reason they bothered me so much was because even though I was fuming mad at God, I need to tell her the truth. I couldn’t find any way around it. Trust me I tried. It felt similar to when I was growing up and I’d get mad at my parents for doing something I didn’t quite understand. I knew they loved me and had my best interest at heart because their actions proved it time and time again. No matter what I felt like at the time, somehow I knew they were trustworthy. The questions kept coming. Bombarding me.
I found beyond my bother was a blessed assurance. Deep below where my faith anchored itself, He was securing me. So, in the midst of my hurt and doubt I was able to reassure; He won’t waste your pain. In the crux of being off course and confused I could profess; He has a purpose. Smack dab between doubt and belief I could beseech; no magnitude of emotion can launder away His lavish love.
You. Can. Trust. Him.
No, I still couldn’t make sense of my season or my friend’s harrowing experiences. However, He used her at her weakest moment to force me to search for purposeFULL responses to her questions. All the while reminding me of His truths. The ones I had tossing about in waves of uncertainty and conviction. He knew just what I needed to be buoyed and push my journey back on course. He was in the midst of the muck, he never left His post or lost sight of the land and His compass still reads true north.
Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. Hebrews 6:18b-19a